Lose Myself
by Snow Tigra
Summary: PWP Yaoi! Finished. Heh, as to what pairings.... well it includes Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei and Zechs but it's not an orgy fic, read and you'll see what i mean.


Lose Myself  
  
Song: Only When I Lose Myself by Depeche Mode  
  
Author's Note: I first heard this song on a music video for Shamanic Princess. However, after a day of listening to it my cuz suggested using it as a songfic. After listening to the lyrics loudly on repeat I couldn't come up with a plot or decide on a pairing. *evil grin* So you get all of them! Yes, people, this is a PWP, and no it is not an orgy fic, just trust me and read. Hope you like it. Warning though, this is the first time I've done a PWP.  
  
  
****Lose Myself****  
  
it's only when I lose myself  
The lights were dim and the house silent. Moonlight shone through silvery windows, its shimmering light dancing across the snow white bed sheets. Two bodies lying together, saying nothing and making no sound, just living in the moment and not caring about the world outside.  
  
with someone else  
Both knew pain. Both knew hatred, war and loneliness and desolation. These were the very things they had lived for the last year, pain and torture of every sort. But for this one night the war had stopped, had been paced on hold. For one night there was silence, no guns went off and no sirens blared. And in this one night… these two were looking for a new experience. And experience of love.  
  
that I find myself  
For those who live for war, those who live to fight, is there anything else? Time passes, leaders come and go and in the end only the lonely soldiers are left. They are the only ones who stand in the after shock, there to carry the flag for the next ruler to come. Is there nothing more then that?  
  
I find myself  
Or maybe there is more. Beyond the battlefield, past the fences and barbed wire. Perhaps there is something across the horizon that these soldiers can grasp and hold on to. Something that won't leave such an empty hole when the final enemy bursts into fiery sparks.  
  
The two bodies come together in an act of insanity. Enemies, allies, weapons, soldiers, all titles drift away and there are only two.   
  
it's only when I lose myself  
  
Two people.  
  
with someone else  
  
Two cravings.  
  
that I find myself  
  
Two souls.  
  
I find myself  
  
One night.  
  
**  
  
something beautiful is happening inside for me  
Wufei closed his eyes in response to the alien sensations. He didn't understand what was happening but really didn't care. He laid back across the bed as the hands moved along his body, dancing over every sensitive nerve. He knew exactly where Wufei's body was sensitive, exactly which places would make him shudder with pleasure and desire. Those very hands had complete mastery and complete control and Wufei had no intention of protesting.  
  
something sensual that's full of fire and mystery  
Never in his life, never, not even when he'd discovered he was to be wed to Merian, had he ever imagined it would be like this. He'd read books and heard tales... but never like this. The pleasure moved across his body like a physical force, the fingers whispering across his body and calling everything to life. His body ached, cried out in something on the threshold of pain and pleasure. Teasing... too much teasing...  
  
I feel hypnotized  
Don't stop! came the silent cry from Wufei's entire body.   
  
I feel paralyzed  
He couldn't make a single sound, only arched his back as the fingers stopped dancing and began to slide in long strokes over his entire body. Nothing but touch, nothing but feeling, there was nothing else.  
  
I have found heaven  
  
**  
  
there's a thousand reasons why I shouldn't spend my time with you  
Heero gazed across the room for where he sat, his cobalt blue eyes locking on the other's body. The street light from outside shown in with the moonlight, giving the entire scene an eerie guise. All Heero could see was the other man's perfectly sculpted body. And all he could do was wonder what he was doing. Of all the people to find in his room, standing naked in his room none the less, why this man?   
  
for every reason not to be here I can think of two  
Heero was the perfect solider, the one chosen to pilot Gundam Wing, because of that he was forced to hold up his title and be nothing but perfect. Still, this one night, all that seemed to fade away. I should be planning, he thought, planning to counter OZ's next move. Planning on what to do about the colonies, what to do about Treize and Zechs... He should be fighting, but all he could do was watch the other man's gleaming body, he wanted nothing else.  
  
to keep me hanging on  
Heero watched as the lithe figure walked over to him, moving with ghostly grace, his long hair curving down the length of his back, glowing with a halo of moonlight. Everything was perfect about him, in his perfect shadow the 'Perfect Solider' felt like a child. Anything to be in his arms, anything to be loved by that unearthly being.  
  
feeling nothing's wrong  
The long arms reached down and curved around Heero's body, pulling him gently to his feet. Heero didn't protest, only stood numbly. I shouldn't be here! Screamed his mind, but he didn't care. The long elegant fingers tugged at his tank top and jeans, Heero stood silently as those fingers and hands lightly relieved him of his clothing.  
  
inside your heaven  
Everything around Heero moved as if it were a dream. The arms pulled him near and he lay his head against the muscled chest of his soon-to-be-lover. The fingers moved through his hair as if he were a kitten, filling his body and mind with a strange surreal calmness. Heero brought his arms up numbly and embraced the heavenly being, all protests washing away and completely surrendering himself to the other.  
  
It's only when I lose myself with someone else  
The tall figure slowly lowered Heero to the floor, laying him down gently across the cold concrete. Heero shivered from the sudden chill, his body breaking out of its shocked numb state. He jerked up in a second but the other man caught him and eased him back down. The look in those eyes, behind the growing passion and longing Heero could see a streak of playfulness, and that much intrigued him. What did his silent partner have in mind? For once in his life what would it be like to submit?  
  
that I find myself  
The soft sweet lips met Heero's and his eyes drifted shut as he savored the feeling. He forced himself to submit, wanting just this once to let someone else take control. Up until this point everything in Heero's world had been predictable and planned, but not now. Now someone else was in control, now Heero was the one being controlled.   
  
that I find myself  
He didn't protest. He wanted to be controlled. Heero let the other man's tongue journey into his own mouth, exploring and tasting every inch. Meanwhile he felt the long fingers surround him and his body gave a start again. The other man took that as a sign to keep going. Heero's world throbbed as the other man teased and tempted him with his hands. Such skilled hands.  
  
it's only when I lose myself with someone else  
Heero moaned softly, the sensations flowing over his body and like a raging river. All he could do was moan against the sensual lips which were now crushing against his mouth. Heero kissed back, slowly at first, but quickly hard enough to bruise one of them.   
  
that I find myself  
What was the point of being completely submissive? There was pleasure in it, yes, but he knew there would be more pleasure if he teased back. His hands groped for things he couldn't see, his nails digging into the man's back as the sensations increased. Heero had to pull away just to breath and for a moment the two just lay there, moonlight eyes meeting moonlit eyes.  
  
I find myself  
  
Beautiful.  
  
**  
  
I could feel the emptiness inside me fade and disappear  
Duo groaned loudly as the body below him jerked upward, surprising him. His elbows suddenly gave out and he fell forward, catching himself just before he landed on the one below him. He looked down into the those beautiful smiling eyes. He'd never thought he'd see anything so soft in those eyes. The scene below him was breathtaking, his long chestnut locks flowing down his own shoulders onto the other's body, mingling with his raven hair. Duo gazed at the angelic beauty below him and sighed softly. The loneliness that seemed to have a death grip on his heart was gone, replaced by a feeling of desire and want, need.  
  
there's a feeling of contentment now that you are here  
The other reached up and wrapped a lock of Duo's hair in his fingers, tugging softly. Duo grinned and took the hint. Don't stop, the other was saying. Don't stop now. Duo could only grin in response, he had no intention of stopping, not tonight. Duo reached down and brushed his fingers against the other's lips, letting him suck on them softly for a mere second, then moved them down his body. Duo's fingers fund what they were searching for and the one below him gave a small cry of surprise.   
  
I feel satisfied  
Duo leaned forward and moved his fingers in as well, embracing his lover as he tested the opening. The need grew between them but Duo didn't want to hurt him. No, never hurt anyone, not tonight. Tonight there was only love and pleasure, that was pain enough. The opening yielded before his one finger... two... three...  
  
I belong inside  
Duo withdrew his fingers and slowly slid himself inside the tight opening.   
  
your velvet heaven  
  
**  
  
do I need to sell my soul  
Zechs moved his lips away from the other boy's panting mouth and brushed them across his cheek, stopping to nibble lightly on his ear. In response the boy below him quivered and held tight. Zechs smiled to himself, how quickly one loses themselves in the face of sexual pleasure. But then, wasn't he guilty as well? It didn't matter. All that mattered was the quivering body below him who was so willing to submit and yet at the same time take an active part in that submission. You are mine, Zechs thought, and that brought him pleasure.  
  
for pleasure like this  
The body quivered below him and he took that as an invitation. This chance wouldn't come again and it even if it did it would never be this sweet. Zechs bent his head down and bit softly into the tender skin of the boy's neck, causing him to cry out. At that moment Zechs pushed himself into the tight opening and the sound grew sweeter. Yes, true emotion, a sound of true pleasure... something he never expected to hear from the normally silent boy below him.  
  
**  
did I have to lose control  
Trowa stared out the window, watching the stars across the sky. He heard the silent steps behind him, closing in. Trowa turned in surprise and froze as a soft hand grasped his chin, and soft lips locked against his. His first reaction was to pull away but surprisingly strong arms held him in place. What was going on? Why did he... Trowa's coherent thoughts melted away into that kiss and he soon found he was floating.  
  
to treasure your kiss  
He refused to protest, he couldn't. He'd never expected this and to be confronted with such raw emotion... he wasn't sure what to do. So instead of protesting Trowa relented and savored the moment, however brief it would be.  
  
**  
  
did I need to place my heart  
Was this all I had to do? Quatre had to force himself not to laugh at the irony of the situation. It wasn't that he wasn't enjoying the other's reaction but if he'd known that this was all it would take he would have done it so long ago!   
  
in the palm of your hand  
I'm right here, he thought quietly. Just the way you've always seemed to want me. I could see the longing in your eyes but you just wouldn't express it. Well now all that has changed, now we are together. Quatre leaned forward, forcing the other against the wall with the force of his kiss. Frenzied hands tugged at Quatre's clothing, tearing them away without any care for their condition or the one wearing them.   
  
before I could even start  
Is this all it took? Did you really want me this much and you never said a thing? Quatre smiled and tried to help unbutton the shirt, attempting to slow the frenzied and desperate hands, but he wouldn't have it. Quatre suddenly found himself up against wall, his clothes being pulled away with such force it should have been scary. Yet it wasn't, it was...   
  
to understand  
  
It was arousing.  
  
**  
  
it's only when I lose myself with someone else  
Wufei jerked up against Duo as the boy slid in, their bodies and voices crying out in unison. Such sweet pain. Such exquisite pleasure. Two bodies moving in rhythm, two hearts beating the same. Wufei had never thought he could feel this way with anyone, certainly not the normally jester-like boy above him. But it didn't matter. This was real.  
  
that I find myself  
This was real. The pleasure was real. These feelings were real. Wufei cried out and clutched onto Duo with a death grip, moving his body against the boy's thrust. Duo's arms gave out again...   
  
I find myself  
... but this time Wufei caught him. And he smiled.  
  
**  
  
it's only when I lose myself with someone else  
Heero tangled his fingers into Zechs' hair, forcing the man to keep kissing him. You can have me, Heero thought, but on my terms. I will submit, but only on my terms. With that thought he forcefully kissed Zechs. Their bodies moved together, Heero's back arching from the deep thrusts. His hands lost all feeling in a wave of pleasure and he fell back, his fingers untangling from Zechs' soft smooth hair. He crumbled back against the floor with a strange sob.   
  
that I find myself  
Zechs moved only the slightest and laid down beside the trembling young solider as the afterglow ebbed away. He wrapped his arms around Heero, holding the boy as if to comfort him. This had been there first time.  
  
I find myself  
Zechs didn't want it to be their last. And neither did Heero.  
  
**  
  
it's only when I lose myself with someone else  
Trowa gripped the sides of the soft as Quatre moved in and out of him in a deep and beautiful rhythm. Despite his brief moment of taking control he had been happy to let Quatre take over. Raw emotion surging forward with such force was not the safest way to make love. Trowa caught himself just in time, not wanting to hurt Quatre. He didn't have to say a single word to the Arabian boy, Quatre understood. Trowa had almost been afraid to let the other boy take control.  
  
that I find myself  
But he'd never felt anything so mind-shattering. The feelings, the sensations, the emotions, all priceless beyond words. All him and Quatre, nothing more. Nothing more then that. The feelings rocketed through his body, making him soar beyond the distance any gundam could ever take him and the color behind his eye lids shown brighter then the sun. Trowa's mouth opened and he emitted a silent scream as the world around him flashed in an amazing climax.  
  
I find myself  
Quatre fell against him softly and smiled.  
  
**  
  
One night.  
  
Two bodies.  
  
Six voices.  
  
"Ai shiteru."  



End file.
